Such a mess. A whirlwind of events. Overthinking as always on Sunday nights like these.
How would I know? Too little, yet too much. Almost there yet still so far. Feeling it but not enough. Afraid but excited. So wrong yet so right.
Confused and unsure. Unwanted and unloved. Always there but never here.
Carol Shields, The Republic of Love
(via bookmania)
(via bookmania)
This is the honest truth about people with good hearts,
See, the truth is — I will always forgive you if you say sorry. And sometimes I might even forgive you when you don’t.
The truth is if I decide I care about you I will give you 100%. I won’t just meet you halfway and hope you’re there. I will go anywhere and do anything for you.
The truth is I won’t give up on you even if you give me every reason to.
Give me a bad person and I’ll tell you they are misunderstood. And I will find good in them because I try and find good in everyone.
The truth is I will put you first even before myself sometimes. And in those moments where I’m lifting you up, you won’t see that I might be drowning under the surface.
The truth is I will always make time for you even when you might not do the same. I will always try and be there for you. I will always strive to never let you down.
The truth is I’m not afraid to care. I’m not afraid to show it. I’m not afraid to be sensitive. I won’t make you work for my time and attention or love. It’ll come very easily.
The truth is if you are good to me I’ll be even better, but if you’re bad to me I won’t try to hurt you in return. I’ll still love you deeply because I think you deserve it.
But if ever there’s a day a good heart like mine becomes tired and I can’t keep trying anymore — that’s it.
And it’ll break my heart to walk away from someone I care for. But everyone has their breaking point. And I might love freely and care too much but I’m no fool. And it might take me a while but the day a good heart gives up on you should be the day you fear most.
Because on that day, you will have missed out on the rarest person you’ll come across in your life.
(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)
We’ve become so good at leaving.
We’ve become so good at quick exits and silent goodbyes.
We’ve been taught how to replace people not how to keep them.
We’ve been taught how to walk away not how to stay.
And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of people not sticking around. I’m tired of people not waiting a little longer. I’m tired of people taking hearts so lightly. I’m tired of people forgetting that we’re all human after all.
We’ve become so addicted to the chase, to hustling, to the next best thing, to the bigger house, to the nicer car, to the next destination, to the next big purchase but we’ve forgotten about our next home. Our next family. Our next forever. Our heart.
We’ve forgotten that sometimes we’ll face really hard things in life that we just can’t face on our own, we’ve forgotten that strength does not mean we don’t ask for help or a hand to hold, we’ve forgotten that no matter how independent we want to be, we still need people, we still need love, we still need someone to lean on when things get rough.
We’ve forgotten that we need to stick around more often. That we need to be more tolerant. That we need to be more patient.
We’ve forgotten that love takes time.
We’ve forgotten that the basic and simplest first step to finding love is staying.
But we don’t stick around anymore, we move on to the next, hoping that we’ll find something worth staying for. Hoping for something better.
The truth is — sometimes you will never find what you’re looking for if you don’t stop for a little while and dissect it; the hidden parts, the dark sides and the scars that are rooted deep inside. This is how you see someone’s real beauty, this is how you see someone’s real soul. This is how you fall in love, real love, honest love, but first — you have to stay. You have to stay.
(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)
This is the essay that got Cassandra Hsiao accepted into all 8 Ivy League Universities
—
Read this and think, then think again.
(via bookmania)
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” -Mahatma Gandhi
(via throwinggums)
If you could go back and relive one memory, what would it be?
I used to be obsessed about this - constantly thinking about the happy memories and reliving every tiny detail so I won’t forget. Replaying the scene over and over again in my head, thinking about all the possibilities it could have played out, which always leads to overthinking in general.
But that was just stupid. It was an ideal, albeit naive, thought - because these memories are all that you have left, when reality hits; when change occurs; when you’ve lost it all. The memories are all that you have left. The good, the bad, the happy times, the arguments, the heartbreaks, the littlest things.
But of course, we’re all just human. No matter how hard you try not to forget, you still do. There is a limit to our brain capacity - to what is to be stored in our short and long term memory. And what you’ve tried so hard to hold on to, will eventually fade. You realised that you can’t seem to quite remember exactly what happened, or you might have mixed up the order of events, or maybe you just don’t care enough anymore to try and pull that memory out.
And after watching The Entire History Of You (Black Mirror S1 Ep3), I finally realised how insane an idea it is if you are able to record everything in your life and revisit it anytime you want, however many times you want.
Firstly, just think about the mental torture you’re putting yourself through! Which is exactly what happened to the main character in the show. You end up second-guessing and over-thinking every single thing. (Of course you can do that under normal circumstances too, but your poor human brain can’t quite exactly capture every single detail and moment. This, however, allows you to zoom back and forth or even pause at certain parts.) A simple conversation can be dissected and analysed right down to the T. This makes obsessing over something so easy and ready, and it is absolutely scary to think about.
Next, there is the fact that there is a record of everything you’ve ever said or done. Of every emotion that has flit across your face, every action that you have done, every word, every half-thruth, every lie that you have said. And this is not just recorded by you, but is also recorded by whomever you are interacting with. Which means not just one but TWO sets of the recording. Anytime anyday, it can resurface and bite you back in the ass or be used against you. Just imagine how dangerous that can be.
How the episode shows this is when the main character pressures his wife into showing him how she cheated on him with an old flame. With that, he forces both of them to relive that unwanted memory. He also replays one dinner scene repeatedly, where he was trying to figure out if his wife still feels anything for said old flame. And as much as I get how this can happen in reality right now, the idea of replaying it it constantly makes it so damaging. It’s the epitome of finding something out of nothing - when one suspects something and goes all out to prove it, regardless of how ridiculous the accusation can be.Something else that the show addresses is how this can mess up one’s perception of past and reality. Perhaps due to how easily you can replay/rewind your memories. The couple uses previous footage of themselves getting it on passionately to try and get through what seems to be just a nightly routine of sex. And that is just plain sad, to me, that something as intimate as love-making has resulted in both parties faking it. As the storyline progresses and the main character constantly compares between their past and his present now, he ends up mentally torturing himself and forcibly removing that small piece of device ruining his life.
Ultimately, I guess what scares me the most is how something so simple I used to think about; when put into perspective through this entire replay-your-memories-anytime-scenario in reality, essentially shows how fragile we can be, when given this freedom. And after writing this thought spill, I realised that what affects me the most is always what is closest to my heart.
